Confession time.

Okay, confession time!  I tend to be a little bit impulsive sometimes! Just as my thyroid levels felt like they were coming back into reasonable limits, I was gung ho about cutting the dose of one of my anti-depressants in half, which brings me to another confession.....I am extremely hard-headed. 

On Monday, the 30th of December, I wrote on my calendar:  "Decreased Lexapro to half a pill."  (Yes, I've learned I have to keep track of everything.)  The crazy thing was, I was already borderline 'crazy' because of my thyroid recently functioning too high but I figured that had everything to do with my thyroid and maybe with my thyroid straightening out, I could lower one of my anti-depressants.

It seems I have this internal critic that is constantly telling me, "Shirley, to prove you are strong you need to be on the least amount of medication as possible, especially if the medications are anti-depressants!" 

Last week I had to fill out a medical form and list all of the medications I am taking.  Honestly, I'd rather just tuck that info into the back of my mind and throw away the key!  I have NO problem listing the fact that I take 1500 mg. a day of Metformin for my PCOS or that I take 65 mg. of Nature Throid for my thyroid and a 'natural' progesterone pill to help with my hormonal imbalance So, why is it so hard to list the fact that I take a sleeping pill, 2 different anti-depressants, and an anti-anxiety pill? 
Does needing those things make me weak?  Besides, if I am getting my thyroid and hormone issues straightened out should I even need anti-depressants still?

There shouldn't be any shame in acknowledging that I have a problem with my mind but for some reason I still feel it.  As if I'm an inferior human being because my brain chemistry is lacking.  After all I've been through and all I've seen, why do I hang on to these thoughts?

Well, needless to say, I'm back on my regular dose of Lexapro.  If there is one thing I've learned it's the fact that if I go 5 days straight of not wanting to get out of bed in spite of my best efforts to exercise and eat right and if my thoughts turn so negative that I'm even starting to believe them, etc...  I should NOT  "WAIT IT OUT" until next week!  I need the anti-depressant!  Dang it! I'm only human after all.  But you know what?   Trying to find the right balance won't stop here.  It will just keep me from trying to lower my dose again for a while. 


I will keep learning and figuring things out as I go.

Shirley